Oregairu Oneshots
by CrimsonSZ
Summary: A series of one shots I write whenever I can't focus on my stories, mostly to clear out the ideas bouncing around in my head that I don't want to make into full-fledged stories. Writing might be sub-par and good storytelling near non-existent. (Select chapters were deleted, more whenever 6 comes.)
1. Their Story Begain in Elementary

A/N: I expected more reviews telling me the numerous errors I made, but I suppose Ryuzaki's will do. Reading your review has only solidified my choice of making this story a series of one-shots. Mainly because 1: I don't wish to disrespect the characters of Oregairu, and thus will not attempt to continue where Wataru Watari left off with my limited understanding. 2: I get what you mean with how this site is populated with YukiGaya stories, thus one-shots of numerous pairings/no pairings should help in preventing the pool from being further saturated.

If at some point one of the one-shots I write is somehow an interesting concept you'd like to see more of, PM me or say so in a review of the chapter, preferably with why and what you'd like to see. I could always follow it up with a part 2.

Anyways, just like last time, feel free to utterly shatter my hopes and dreams with scathing reviews! It's the only way I will acknowledge the harsh reality that my writing is abysmal and attempt to improve it. With much thanks.

* * *

xXx

Their Story Began in Elementary

As I take in another breath of the magnificent Chiba air, I can't help but wonder if my life was never meant to be this way. It honestly feels like a god damned anime, or a poorly written fan fiction by some poor sod who could only come up with cliches. Actually, it feels like one of Zai-whatever's stories. I mean, considering the life I've had, can you even blame me for thinking that?

I sighed in frustration, taking another sip of my sweet, sweet, MAX Coffee. Ahhh, lukewarm, just the way I like it. I glanced at the clock again, and wondered what was taking her so long. At this rate, I'll finish my coffee before she arrives! Damn it Yukinoshita.

You must be thinking to yourself, 'Who the hell is this Yukinoshita person, and did you say _she_?' Well, have no fear inner monologue me, for I will once again remind you how we came to know her, and why the hell she's important enough to delay my lunch for.

It all started in elementary you see, when my mum caught wind of the ostracism I faced, and the bullying I had to put up with. Naturally, as the loving mother she is, she tried to resolve it peacefully, but when it became clear the situation wasn't about to change, she decided to have me transferred. Back then, I was actually against it. Going through so much trouble due to the opinions of others, it was a big blow to little ol' me. I remember hating that I was forced into changing schools, but I couldn't complain. My mum did it because she cared after all.

In the end, after much convincing over the weekends from both my mo, father, and Komachi, whom was barely capable of speech and was used to guilt trip me with the classic "imagine how sad she'd be knowing you went through all that" trick, I gave in, and was willing to be driven to my new school. Truth be told, I actually sorta looked forward to it with mum's reasoning in mind. To start from scratch, and finally try to live a normal life. It was an exciting prospect. So with this reset button that would normally only be available to protagonists of some form of manga or anime, what did little ol' me do?

Why, revert back to my old reputation of course!

Hear me out.

The first day was actually decent. My new teacher introduced me to my new class. I found a new seat next to new faces and began learning where my new class left off. Thankfully, it wasn't anything too out of my comfort zone, so I could follow along just fine. The rest of the day was spent getting used to my new surroundings, the new food choices available to me, and meeting the love of my life, MAX Coffee. Oh, did I not mention that this new school was where I found out about the God's gift that is MAX Coffee? Heresy I say, for this is by far the most memorable moment of my life!

Anyway, things were going smoothly for Hikigaya Hachiman, who was trying his damn hardest not to become the class clown. I even worked on my expression the day before, I was that dedicated! Maybe this experience is why I stopped putting in effort... Ah, where was I? Yes, of course. As I now know, life is never so kind, and this "New beginning" concept worthy of a trashy light novel could only go so far before reality crushes it.

I was on my way to class, thinking about how much better life would be. I mean, it was near the end of the year, and I didn't run into any problems with my classmates, hip hip hooray! Of course, these are exactly the kind of thoughts that send your life spiralling out of control.

Even though I had started to acquaint myself with people, my '28 Longer Skills' were still available to me. Yes, 28. I was young, and thus undeveloped, okay? Anyway, one of them was 'Amplified senses', which gave me better hearing than your average human being. It picked up the sound of malicious laughter nearby, and the near silent sobbing of someone.

Part of me considered ignoring it, that someone would deal with it. Yet, as I neared the intersection ahead, the laughter only got louder, and my instincts were telling me to check it out. As the saying goes, 'Curiosity killed the cat', and boy, did my following actions kill the cat that was my happy future.

I turned the corner to see three girls standing in a row, mockingly pointing and laughing at a fourth in front of them. The fourth whom I had dubbed 'The one typically described as "Raven haired beauty" in stories' due to her... well, hair, simply stood there as the other three attacked her with a slew of insults. She was crying, no doubt, and was currently clutching her arm rather forcefully. In fact, it looked like there was a bit of red. What was most interesting about this scene though, was how she was looking off to the side at this blond guy. He was standing a bit away from the scene with his head hung. It seemed as though he dared not meet her gaze.

I quickly deduced what was happening in front of me. The girl was likely a loner, ostracised by others. I could only assume it was her beauty and whatever relationship she had with the blond guy, who looked like the 'Knight of my dreams' kinda guy, thus leading to envy and the resulting treatment she was receiving. The guy is probably an average 'Nice Guy' who would want to get along with everyone, and didn't dare interfere, hoping someone else would do it.

Did I mention one of my skills was the ability to read the situation like an open book? Man, I sound like one of those authors who ignore the 'Show, don't tell.' rule.

In any case, young Hikigaya Hachiman immediately boiled at the sight, having been in similar situations before. I knew what it felt like, and I knew it was not a feeling I'd like anyone else to face. Thus, I did what seemed logical to me at the time. I committed 'Social suicide', as she succinctly put it.

"Oi." The three girls halted in their laughter, and turned to face the intrusion. "Would you three stop blocking the hallway? I'm trying to get to class."

"Oh? Aren't you the new guy? Your class is back there, stupid." The middle girl stated, pointing behind me.

"Eh? Is that so? Ah well, I wanted some MAX Coffee, so if you'd please."

"Get it somewhere else new guy, we're talking here."

That's my cue.

"Talking? Really? This is your definition of talking?" Everyone, the three girls, the fourth girl, and the blond guy turned to look at me questioningly. "From what I can see, you're really just _barking_ like a couple of mad dogs."

"Haah? What did you just say?"

"Are you deaf? I said you're barking like _mad **dogs**_. Actually, calling you dogs is insulting to dogs. Dogs at least have the spine to fight one on one. You on the other hand, three on one? How cowardly. In fact, I'd go as far as say you all have some kind of inferiority complex, isn't that why you're ganging up on her? 'cuz you know she's better than all of you?"

The three dogs looked aggravated, albeit confused. The raven haired beauty-ah, see what I mean?- stared at me with her mouth agape. The blond... eh, who cares about that coward?

"In fact, judging from your faces, you don't even know what I'm saying, don't you? Maybe you should first improve your vocabulary before you go and insult someone. At least then they'd find your words _somewhat_ amusing you unoriginal delinquents. Now would you do me a favour and step out of the way, or must I call a teacher here to listen to you insult her more?"

They recognised my threats by the time I finished, thankfully. Gosh, it took them long enough. With an arrogant turn of the head and a 'hmph!', they walked off, leaving me to take in the full scene.

With the trio out of the way, I was able to see the pile of books and papers on the floor, having spilled out of presumably the girl's bag. Half of them were soaked beyond saving, and the other half looked like they were in the middle of a buffalo stampede. It didn't take a genius like me to figure out what happened.

"Ah, I can help get you excused for that if you'd like. I'll tell your teacher I bumped into you, spilled my water, and trampled your books."

The girl loosened her grip on her arm, and with a few breaths managed to compose her once surprised face into a neutral facade, as though nothing ever happened.

"There is no need for that. You will already be on the receiving end of they and their friends due to your earlier act. I'd rather you not garner additional hate from my teachers for my sake."

What's with that formal tone? You make it sound like we aren't of elementary standards. Well, I suppose I have a better grasp on the language than others, and you seem like one of those prim and proper kind of people, so.

"Just so we're clear, I'm not doing this for you. It's just because I'd hate myself more if I didn't do anything. Besides, I hate having people feel indebted to me."

"Is that so?" the girl looks away, before taking a breath. "Well then. My name is Yukinoshita Yukino. I wish I could say it was a pleasure making your acquaintance, but..."

"Hikigaya Hachiman. And don't worry about it. I don't really care." saying that, I began to pick up what was salvageable of the pile, frowning when I noticed the familiar cover of a book I enjoyed reading torn to shreds. The rest of it seemed okay, thankfully.

"Y-Yukino-chan, I'll help-"

"No need, Hayama-kun." the blond flinched at Yukinoshita's rejection. Seems to me he just did something to hurt their first-name-basis relationship. Yukinoshita bent down to pick up what was near her, placing them delicately in her bag, and took what I gathered to do the same.

"Ah, I should be going now." I said, not knowing how to continue.

"Yes, I should as well. Goodbye then, Hikigaya-kun."

I turned to walk to class, giving a half-assed wave as I did.

That was the end of my interactions with Yukinoshita Yukino, or so I thought.

The very next day, I was in my usual spot in the back parking lot, munching on the snack I bought during break. Yes, I still liked to eat by my lonesome. It's because conversing while eating was annoyingly repetitive you know? It's always the same stuff we chat about. Not to mention earlier in the morning people were whispering to each other, sending wary glances to me every so often. I recognised the sight all too well, and knew it was the death of my supposed new life.

I shook my head with a chuckle. Ah well, life was back to normal now, except I had the newfound sweetness of MAX Coffee at my side. That was certainly an improvement. As I took another sip, flinching slightly at the abnormal sweetness I wasn't used to back then, my ears picked up the sound of footsteps. Strange, people don't usually come here.

"Hikigaya-kun?"

My eyes widened in shock at the familiar voice. I turn my head to see Yukinoshita walking towards me.

"Y-yo." I greeted.

She sat down next to me, and I noticed two bento boxes in her hand.

"Jeez, I get you're growing and all, but two boxes?"

"They're not both mine, o-obviously." she replied, blushing slightly.

"Oh. That blond guy coming here? I'd rather you two find somewhere else."

"Y-You're mistaken. I have informed Hayama-kun that I'd rather not speak to him for the moment."

"That so? Then the second box..."

"It... it is for you." she said, handing it to me along with a set of plastic utensils.

Of course, this was confusing to me, seeing as how I didn't remember doing anything to deserve it. Then I looked at it from her perspective.

"Ah, I told you you didn't owe me anything, didn't I?"

"Well, consider it an act for myself then. I felt obligated to thank you in a more... appreciative manner."

Damn it, stealing my excuse isn't allowed.

"Then, thanks for the meal." I hesitantly took the box. Oh god, I could smell it already. Such an aroma could only mean it was homecooked. "You made it yourself?"

"Yes. Is there a problem?"

"N-no, I just. Was surprised you could-can cook." I opened the box only to be hit with the full force of the aroma, and had to resist immediately stuffing my face. A simple set of rice, salmon and vegetables, yet it looked heavenly.

I tried to take as elegant a bite as possible, but I confess that I may have put a bit more than I usually would in one mouthful. It didn't taste as good as my mother's cooking, but it was still a lot better than what my snack offered.

It was then I noticed Yukinoshita was simply staring at me quizzically. She noticed I saw her, and immediately turned away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well?"

"It's great. Wish _I_ knew how to cook like this."

"I see... that is good." She opened her own box which contents mirrored my own, and began to tuck in with a soft 'Itadakimasu.'

We spent the break eating in silence.

That was the beginning of our... huh. Relationship I suppose. We weren't exactly _friends_ so to speak, having decided it be best that no one knew we communicated any more than simple greetings. Or rather, I insisted on it, and she complied with my wishes. Every day she'd come to the parking lot with two bento boxes, having decided to use me as her guinea pig. I gladly accepted of course. Free food is free food.

During middle school, she went overseas to study, something about her parents' wishes. We stayed in touch through email and the occasional phone call. We talked to each other about our days, more often than not with me recounting my everyday happenings which she supposedly found amusing. She even comforted me... eh, if you count 'I told you so's and companionable silence as comforting when I got rejected by this girl whom I shall not speak of.

I didn't have much hopes though. As we stood, it was likely we'd fall out of touch, since with high school once again came another chance to reset our lives. I figured with her looks and smarts, she'd find a new group soon enough, and I'll once again be a loner. Out of pure coincidence, we ended up both being accepted into Sobu High, and she spent the night shoving the fact that she bested me at my self proclaimed 'best subject', scoring first while I ended up only being third in my face. She might have said something along the lines of congratulations, but I can't remember due to my pride being hurt so badly.

With the fact that I'd be meeting her again after years in mind, I went to school early. An hour early actually, intent on taking full advantage of my third chance. But of course, as established, life is one harsh piece of shit, and I ended up in a car accident by Yukinoshita's family limousine no less.

Being excluded from the first two weeks of school inevitably lead to me once again being a loner, with only Yukinoshita to converse with. She had decided to help me catch up with what I missed, and I had to stop her from apologising for the 5th time.

The year went by quite quickly actually, though I wasn't sure why. The second year, she called me one night with the most baffling statement.

"I wish to set up a service club."

Seeing that I was unable to comprehend her words or rather, due to my lack of a reply, she explained the point of the 'Service Club' and her intentions, asking if I could assist her in her mission. It was... heartwarming I suppose, knowing she trusted me enough to ask for my help. Over the years, she showed me that she didn't like help. Or perhaps this was her way of coping with the betrayal of someone she used to rely on? In any case, I accepted.

And so, the Service Club was opened, and everything that followed lead up to this point.

The final day of our final year. Here I set in the room, all by my lonesome, with only my monologue to accompany me as I count the seconds that pass by.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I hear the familiar footsteps I had become accustom to. The door swings open, and Yukino walks in with her usual greeting, Yui behind her with her excessive 'Yahallo!'

"Took you long enough."

"Apologies Hachi-kun, something cropped up."

I shrugged. "So, we gonna do this?"

Yukino nodded, she and Yui move their chairs closer to me, and she boots up the laptop in front of the three of us.

"The Service Club's legacy. I wonder who will continue it." Yukino mumbles.

"Duh, people who wanna help the way you do, Yukinon!" Yui says bubbly, hugging the Ice Queen's arm. Yukino smiles ever so slightly, having gotten used to the contact.

"Well, let's get this over with so we can have our lunch."

The two of them nodded, as the webcam started up.

"Hachi-kun, would you like the honours?"

"Sure I guess."

With a breath, I put on a determined face.

"Good day to the latest member, or members of the Service Club. My name is Hikigaya Hachiman, the soon to be ex-vice president of said club, and I welcome you to your shitty future."

Both of them tug my ahoge.

When the three of us finished recording, we stepped out of the room with content sighs, and Yukino locked the room one final time.

"So, shall we go?" she asks.

"Yeah! I'm gonna have lunch with my two besties!" Yui beamed, grasping both me and Yukino's hands with her own.

"Besties? You only see us as best friends, Yui-san?" Yukino fakes a pout, but Yui falls for it, and shakes her head flustered.

"No no! Of course not! You're both more than that to me!"

Yukino chuckles.

"Guys, c'mon. Can we leave the flirting till after we eat? I'm starving."

And so, while the Service Club comes to an end, my new life had only just begun. Just this once, Life-chan, let me enjoy my happiness. Even if my next life is to be cursed, I want this. It took me 3 resets to find it.

xXx

* * *

Yes, this is in fact inspired by "In Which Hikigaya Meets Yukinoshita in Elementary". Bite me. So it's self indulgent, isn't that most fanfics?

Again, feel free to bash me for any and all mistakes. I'll gladly take it so long as it's constructive. Just a heads up though, I know the ending feels rushed, but it's well past my usual sleep time, and school will kill me if I don't go in roughly 30 minutes, so. I might rewrite it if enough people tell me it sucks to motivate me to do so.


	2. Death Never Felt so Warm

A/N: Ack, not enough harshness to feed off of... guess I have to write another chapter of trash.

Anyway, OreKito, could you so kindly tell me why it's lame? I need to know! Thinking of reasons why is occupying my every thought! And you'd be surprised comrade Predator, as to how many people I know have a similar mindset. Now let's hope I can continue writing them half decently Ralph, and perhaps even finally improve my pacing Eramis.

I suppose I should do the usual thing of apologising for a longer wait than usual but let's be honest, who looks forward to this trash? Meh, if all the good stories update too slowly and this is what you resort to reading, I shan't waste more of your time. Behold, the 5th chapter of absolute Gomii.

Requested by my friend who is a sucker for this kind of AU. Majority of these scenarios are created by him, and written out by me.

* * *

xXx

Death Never Felt so Warm

I woke up with a start, breathless.

Frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive. You'd think with how fast my heart is beating, I'd have a heart attack and die. But it seems as though life isn't quite ready to lose one of its numerous sources of entertainment. How terrifyingly possessive of you, Life-chan.

As I try to compose myself, I felt a sudden cold breeze at my side. I sighed in annoyance.

"Hikigaya-kun, are you alright?"

"Yea... I'm fine." I push myself off my bed, stretching myself and making enough pops to rival popcorn machines.

"How many times does this make?"

I scratch the back of my head, pretending to give it a moment's thought. "Eh, too many to count." In reality, I couldn't care less about counting.

With a yawn, I reluctantly walk myself to my door. Upon opening it, I find the sight I expected. Even so, I am unprepared.

"Onii-chan?" she asks with teary eyes. "Komachi heard you yell again... Komachi came to help."

I smiled softly... softly? What a weird way to describe smiles. "It's alright Komachi. Your Onii-chan is fine. Dreams aren't real after all, just something my brain comes up with when I'm too bored." I told her, patting her head.

"Onii-chan... It's not okay when it's everyday. Mama and Papa say it's because of stw-stw-stress."

Ah, so much innocence. "I'm definitely stressed, but I promise I'm okay. You know why?" I crouch down so we're at eye level. "Because I have the world's cutest Imouto who worries about me, so I wake up and I quickly become happy, okay?"

My reply elicited an annoyed pout. _So cuuute~_

"Gomii-chan will get called creep by Yuki-nee again."

"You are in fact a disgusting, perverted sis-con Hikigaya-kun."

My eye twitches slightly. Hey, if you can't stand me being a good big brother, then buzz off.

"Aha, it's just how we are Komachi. I told you before, no need to worry!" I try to put on the dumbest grin I can, but Komachi's grimace tells me I have yet to learn the basics of muscle control.

"Trashy Onii-chan... you're lucky I'm smart so I know you love me in the right way. Kyaaa!~ So many Komachi points!"

Yes yes, you're the best Imouto in the wor- Well, well, well, your smile revealed your teeth you know? I can see them clearly you know?~

"Komachi, go brush your teeth."

She brings her hand to her mouth. "Oops! Sorry Onii-chan!" She runs off giggling, and I sigh in defeat. Only mum has the willpower to chase after her and force her into the bathroom. My heart betrays me every time I try.

"Filthy sis-con degenerate."

"Oi, at least wait until I'm capable of countering you before you attack. Do you not know the honourable ways of a Samurai?"

"Ara, you think yourself deserving of honour, Hikigaya-kun?"

Sheesh, that hurts a lot you know. "I will never disgrace the family name. Have faith in me Yukinoshita."

I turn around to face her, and am once again stunned by just how beautiful she looks in the light. It's quickly ruined by the smug smirk of hers though... or perhaps it's enhanced.

"Oh?" She raises her eyebrow, "But everyday you seem to throw more dirt on it. I should know, having been around you each time you do so."

I sigh in defeat. Really, I can't hope to hold a candle to the Ice Queen when I _just_ woke up.

With an annoyed grunt, I move myself to the bathroom and began my morning routine. Auto-pilot: Engaged.

A minute later, I hear her hum, and I disengage auto-pilot. Such a pain, having to look her in the eye to speak.

"What?" I ask as I continue scrubbing away with my toothbrush.

"Please do not speak with that in your mouth Hikigaya-kun. You're getting your hazardous spit all over the floor." She says with a disgusted frown.

" 's not like you're affected by it." I mean, you're sitting on the bath tub like, 3 metres away. "So what is it?"

"You seem to have forgotten something, Hikigaya-kun."

I stopped brushing my teeth, and took a look around the bathroom. It suddenly dawns on me when my eyes stopped on the towel rack... that was empty.

"Damn it."

The Ice Queen chuckles coldly, an amused grin growing on her face. "You continue to surprise me Hikigaya-kun. Truly, your forgetfulness knows no bounds."

I rinse my mouth as quickly as I could, wanting to return the jab. "Hey, it's not my fault my Onii-chan senses override all other cognitive functions. After all, who could ever do anything when my cute little Imouto is feeling down? Not even mum can hold on for long."

She hums thoughtfully. "I suppose your affection for her is to be praised. Yet at the same time, your sis-con vibes are truly disturbing."

"Shut up. Only a creep would get aroused by their Imoutos."

Heh, I always wanted to use that line on her.

"Ara, so unoriginal as to steal a line from Seishun Buta Yaro? I expected better from you Hikigaya-kun. In hindsight, anything more than negative percentages of creativity is impossible for you. It's my fault for not knowing better I suppose."

I cringed. "Sheesh, degrading yourself just to hurt me more? You're really going quite far today Yukinoshita, what gives?"

She puts her hand under her chin, and hummed sarcastically. "I suppose I'm just particularly bored today."

"Bored enough to read a light novel with me apparently."

"It's your fault for never going out of the house, NEET-kun."

"Oi, I do go out okay? Like, there's school, and there's the groceries I gotta run, and sometimes Komachi wants snacks, and Kamakura... eh. Maybe the fatty doesn't need anymore food now."

I grin when I see her response. Ah, how they change tunes so quickly when you touch a delicate spot.

...

Okay, I admit that can be interpreted the wrong way.

All that happened was she widened her eyes before glaring at me okay? It's a sensitive topic because she has a love for cats, and seems awfully obsessed with Kamakura- _sama_. Hey, it's not my fault she shows her weakness so openly!

"Hikigaya-kun, you will _not_ do anything that would so much as cause a mild discomfort to your pet."

"Or else?"

"Or _else._ " her glare is sharper, and I swear, I'd be a dead man now if I wasn't so used to this.

"Heh. Calm down, I would never dare. I don't want Komachi hating me again." or you for that matter.

She folds her arms and smiles smugly. "Good."

Honestly, this crazy Ice Queen gets on my nerves.

With another sigh, I force myself to move out the door. Such inefficient use of my precious energy, running back and forth. Should've got it right the first time, damn it! As I swing the towel over my shoulder, I catch sight of mum in the hallway.

"Mum? Is something wrong?"

She tries to pull of a smile, but her lethargy wins once more. My condolences to all working slaves out there in the world, for now I see the true pain a job can inflict. At least your mistake allows me to learn so I don't repeat it.

"Hachi-kun, is Yuki-chan there?"

I turn to see her staring at the bathroom mirror. "Yea. She's there." I reply with a sigh.

"Yuki-chan, just letting you know your food is ready. Eat it before it gets cold, okay? I'll be off now." She turns around with a weak wave, and I return it with my own.

Yukinoshita doesn't respond, and instead continues to stare into the mirror. Hey, if you stare too long, the abyss stares back ya know?

"Oi, you heard her, right?"

Her eyes droop dejectedly, and she sighs with a mix of content and frustration. "Your mother is truly a wonderful woman, Hikigaya-kun. You are fortunate to be hers."

"This again?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not annoyed at her stubbornness. I'm just miffed that she keeps on hanging onto it. It depresses _me_ every time you bring it up, Yukinoshita! For the sake of my poor heart, my poor soul, leave this alone! "C'mon, get out. I need to shower. You heard mum, your breakfast is ready."

She nodded meekly, and left without another word. The silence was, frankly, quite unnerving. With a frown, I once again engage auto-pilot mode.

Well, I tried to anyway. The whole time I was showering, I couldn't stop thinking about this whole situation. I mean, it's been like, what, a year? Two? Whatever, a long time since I first met Yukinoshita, and I still couldn't wrap my head around it. Why was she here, and why me of all people? And why the hell did my family believe it so easi-well, okay, that I know the answer to. But still, I bet that if it didn't happen right in front of their eyes, they'd have put me into a mental hospital by now.

I quickly dry myself off to avoid stepping into depressing territory, and made my way to where we dine. Komachi was already there, slowly nibbling away on her breakfast, Yukinoshita nowhere in sight. Of course, it didn't take a genius to figure out her whereabouts. It's either she's doing the usual routine, or she took a detour to find... ah, there she is, playing with Kamakura.

Strange, didn't I read somewhere animals can't stand otherworldly things? Well, to be fair she's been around here for so long Kamakura must have gotten used to her presence. It doesn't help that he's one of the two that can actually _feel_ her, so he gets constantly doted on with belly rubs and head pats and cute little imitations of a cat's meowing.

Mah heart, mah soul! So pure, so innocent! So unlike the all mighty 'Freeze you to your bones' Ice Queen, Yukinoshita Yukino.

"Oi." She ignored me, and continued spoiling Kamakura. Man, I miss the days she would gasp in surprise and proceed to try and _tsun_ me into forgetting the sight. Now? I can no longer use it as blackmail. Truly, a wasted opportunity... Wait! I swear, it's not what you're thinking! I ain't no creep!

I squint my eyes slightly. "Yukinoshita, your food will get cold."

Her meowing stopped, and her face transformed from one of pure happiness to... less desirable emotions. My feet move before my mind, and I soon find myself crouching next to her.

"C'mon, let's go eat already. Komachi's waiting for us."

"This is pointless Hikigaya-kun..." her eyes close ever so slightly.

"Has life ever had a point?"

"No, I mean... me, eating. It's pointless. Your family caring for me, it's also pointless. A-All of this... p-pointless..."

Damn, and we were so close to setting a new record.

Amidst our daily banter, her posh demeanour, and her mature nature, I often find myself forgetting, much to my chagrin, that she is still _only my age_. We're technically still children... and for a child to have to deal with shit like this? Alone? Which moron would even attempt it?

...Why, the ever so competitive Yukinoshita of course.

With a sigh that finally made me feel like a thousand years old, I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You can feel that, right?"

"W-What?" she sniffles.

"You can feel my totally perverted hand on your shoulder, yes?" she turns to face me with a confused expression.

"What are you-"

"You're feeling emotions, are you not?" And I wonder to myself.

"I-"

"There is a point to this. We're family, and family care for each other. Okay? So long as you know your name is Yukinoshita Yukino, the proud and terrifying Ice Queen, my somewhat sister, and my first... eh, friend I guess, then there's a point to this. Okay?"

Can spirits really be considered human?

Her mouth is in an 'o', her abyssal blue eyes the widest I've seen. I'm starting to disbelieve everything I've ever read on the subject of spirits, because her eyes start to glimmer. Maybe it's just the light passing through, but... I swear, she's crying.

Wow, I really _**am**_ a horrible human being.

I plead to the gods above to let my facial muscles work just for today, and I smile as I stand up. "Shall we, she who never wanted to be my sister in the first place?" I asked, extending my hand.

Her head drops, and I hear her giggle weakly. She reaches up and grabs my hand, pulling herself up and almost dragging me down. Goddamn, you're heavy for a spirit!

"We shall, my pathetic brother whom I had no choice but to be with."

We return to the kitchen, somewhat happy, only for me to lose my smile to a look of confusion when I see Komachi grinning at me. Or rather, beside me?

"Onii-chan! You never told me Yuki-nee is so pretty!~"

Eh? Say what now?"

Yukinoshita drops her smile for an expression of shock, and only now do I realise, holy shit, I can _see_ her. As in, literally! The light actually reflects off of her, as evidenced by her reflection on the metal, and the fact that her features were now accentuated by the light, instead of hidden.

Excuse me? When the fuck?

Komachi squeals at a frequency that only dogs should be able to hear, and jumps off her chair to rush to Yukinoshita's side. She pounces on the poor Ice Queen, almost knocking her off balance. "Yuki-nee! Komachi can finally see you! Isn't this great?!"

Holy shit. Am I still dreaming?

Yukinoshita is trembling slightly as Komachi rubs her face into her cheek. She embraces Komachi, and begins to laugh.

"Ind-deed Komachi-ch-chan, this is great..."

Hrck! Critical hit!

First spirits materialise, then they start defying all laws of physics by being able to interact with others, and cry actual tears and show up as reflections? What's next, the spirits of dead masters come back to gift the world their work once more? I would certainly love more of Frank Sinatra in my life! He taught me to do things _My Way_ after all! Sheesh, I'm gonna die of a heart attack at this rate.

"Eh? Gomii-chan, what are you staring at?" Komachi's eyes are on me questioningly. Oh c'mon, barely a minute together and Yukinoshita already influenced you?

"You're blocking the way. I want to eat, and so does Yukinoshita."

Like a scene in a trashy light novel, Yukinoshita's stomach growls... somehow, proving my point.

"Oh! Of course you'd be hungry Yuki-nee! You haven't eaten for so long!"

Yea, she technically has? If draining the essence of the food can be considered eating... whatever.

Yukinoshita is dragged to the table by Komachi, and sat down in the way a mother would treat a child, all the while smiling dumbly.

"Itadakimasu!"

"Ita... Itadakimasu..."

I shake my head as I sat down to my own meal. "Itadakimasu."

An unexpected development, for sure. But... one that is appreciated. That, I am sure of, as I watch Yukinoshita take hold of the chopsticks with her shaking hands, and slowly pop the food into her mouth, tearing up slightly as she slowly savours it.

I followed suit.

* * *

Mum and Dad reacted rather... well, to this new development. Whether it be because they were already dead tired, or because they just accepted Yukinoshita before, I wouldn't know. Instead of the terrified screaming or angry questioning I expected, mum managed to overcome her lethargy for once, smiling like I once remembered and embracing Yukinoshita. Dad simply stood by watching with a face... less deadpan than he usually does.

Mum seperated from Yukinoshita, and I could see the tears causing her minuscule amount of makeup to stain. She gently caresses Yukinoshita's cheek with a hand, the other on her shoulder. "Welcome home, Yuki-chan." She spoke softly.

Ha! Take that dad, I beat you at the composure game!

"My apologies for the intrusion, Hikigaya-san."

"Oh ho, nonsense my dear. You're practically family now." Mum's smile grows ever so slightly. "Please, no need to be formal with us. Just mum will do."

Suddenly, she turns to me with a glare. Good lord! Such an instant change! Terrifying! "Hachi-kun, it's late. Go to sleep."

"But-"

"No buts! I'm going to have a talk with Yukinoshita. And you have school tomorrow, young man."

"M-mother... Hikigaya-kun... has to be here."

"Eh?" mum returns her attention to Yukinoshita, who is currently trying her best to avoid her gaze.

"If the distance between him and me is too great... then I'm no longer here, so to speak."

Mum blinks once. Twice, before sighing.

"Oi you useless dead weight," I flinch at her voice, but compose myself once I see that dad is the one being addressed, "go write a parent's letter for Hachi-kun."

"C-can't I be here, dear?"

"You'll collapse later, and I certainly won't have the strength to write out a letter full of nice bullshit to plead the teacher into forgiving our son's absence. You may join us when you're finished, so hurry up!"

Dad sighs, before giving a mock salute. I pity you, old man. Somewhat.

Mum gently brings Yukinoshita to the couch, and sits them down. "Hachi-kun, go make some tea-Ah, I mean, Yuki-chan _can_ drink, can't she?" she looks to the latest addition to the family for confirmation, and gets a small nod in return.

"Be right back."

* * *

For once in my life, I wake up without screaming my lungs out, my breathing perfectly calm. I stretch to my hearts content, taking in the fact that I'm able to skip school today. Hilariously, it's thanks to Yukinoshita and her predicament. For once, it's helpful instead of stressful.

I chuckle to myself, and moved off my bed. I won't lie, I sort of miss waking up to her insults. But, since I was suddenly able to make her materialise with physical contact, we, that being mum, Yukinoshita and I, figured it be best Yukinoshita gets her own bed in Komachi's room, rather than floating about in my room... wait, can she sleep while floating? I never thought to question it until now. Don't tell me there is an actual reason to her calling me a pervert all this time?

Bah, it doesn't matter. I grab my towel and opened the door with a yawn, only to scr-uh, step back in surprise at the sight before me.

"Hikigaya-kun, I want to take a bath."

I blinked repeatedly as my brain tried to reboot itself from the jumpscare, causing the girl in front of me to sigh.

"I need you to materialise me you imbecile."

Oh. Ohhhhh.

"Well, why didn't you just say so." I poke her shoulder with a finger, and suddenly, she's in front of me again, in the same dress she died with, and has been wearing since I first met her.

"Is that thing just permanently plastered onto you or something? Didn't mum give you her pyjamas yesterday?"

"She did. From what I could tell, I return to my original state when I'm no longer corporeal. Anything I put on simply falls off, and the dress returns."

"Well, at least it's not like how horror movies depict it. God, I hate to imagine how Komachi would've reacted if you didn't appear like this."

"So do I..."

Oh. Me and my stupid mouth.

"Well, hurry up I guess. Don't waste too much water just because you want to bathe for the first time in years, Ice Queen. You might end up melting."

She glares at me, and I suddenly feel like I was stabbed.

"Mother wouldn't like that you said that..."

meep.

* * *

It was decided that Yukinoshita would simply follow me around at high school, since there was no way in hell we could suddenly come up with documents that would let her get into Sobu High. Yup, Sobu High, inner me. You heard me right. Plus, I managed to end up as the top student! Unbelievable am I right? Well, it's mostly thanks to Yukinoshita's help to be fair. Though, she had to be convinced by mum and Komachi, so... I was the one willing to study, thus I take some of the credit. And so, I was forced to come the week before school starts, for some kinda bullshit for the top 3 students I heard.

I ended up getting up one hour too early, and found myself on the way to school with Yukinoshita by my side. I could tell she was far more excited than I am, having been the one to wake me up. Crazy woman, I tell ya.

"Calm down. If you weren't a ghost, people would've definitely seen you and called you crazy. You're only ever like this around cats and Pan-san."

She pouts ever so slightly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I am simply glad to be out of the house again. The thought of possibly feeling the sensations I once took for granted again... I'm ecstatic."

I chuckle. "That you are, crazed woman."

She punches my shoulder, and I thank god we took the time to experiment with this newfound ability. Even though there wasn't a crowd, some people were still around, like that girl walking her dog. If Yukinoshita suddenly appeared, it would be more trouble than it was worth, no matter how happy she'd be feeling the wind, or the sun, or whatever again.

Skin to skin contact of 5 seconds or so, only then would she become corporeal.

As I took a breath of the fresh Chiba Air (TM), I smile. Some of her happiness is getting to me I guess. Curses.

"Ah! Sable!"

I hear the sounds of a dog barking, and a girl screaming out for who I assume to be said dog. I turn to see the little thing running out onto the road, having broke free of the owner's leash.

Straight into the path of a limousine.

SHIT!

I swear to you, I'm normally a logical person, so I don't know what came over me as I rushed onto the street and grabbed the dog. The limousine was on its way, and I braced myself. The car never hit me, as I felt the hands of Yukinoshita push me from behind.

Again, thank god for skin-skin contact being the condition needed for materialisation.

The dog's owner runs up to me, yelling out the name of the little guy. Sable? How cute. The dog leaps out of my arms into hers, and she starts snuggling the living life out of the pup with her... oh my. Uhm, well endowed assets. She started thanking me profusely, even going so far as bowing, her chestnut brown hair swaying with every movement along with her-

"I see you dishonouring the family name, Hikigaya-kun."

I tear my eyes off the forbidden fruits, gulping ever so slightly.

"Ah, please don't do that. I-It's embarrassing." I curse myself internally. Seriously? Stuttering? C'mon, I thought you had more balls than this Hachiman.

The door of the limousine opens, and I suddenly stop breathing as by far the most beautiful woman I've ever seen steps out. I can't even go into detail as my brain stopped functioning.

No, it's not because my hormones have turned me into a lewd pile of non functioning mess.

It's because I'm terrified.

It's because I recognise that facial structure anywhere, having observed someone similar for years now.

It's because... she matches the description perfectly.

Fuck, what are the chances?

I look at Yukinoshita, hoping to god I was wrong. Her shocked face tells me otherwise.

Shit, I didn't think I'd have to deal with this so soon!

"Ah, are you alright?"

I nod feebly, taking a step back with every one she takes forward.

"I apologise, my driver should've been more careful! It'd be a shame if someone as brave as you was lost to a car accident!~" She grins at me, but I can see how her eyes analyse me.

"You were too obvious Hikigaya-kun, recoiling like that."

Too late for hindsight, woman!

Shit, too close, senses acting up! So terrified! "Uh, thanks? Could you move back?" Yes! No stutter! I have balls after all!

She keeps her haze on me for a second longer, before turning to apologise to the girl. With them distracted, I quickly activate **Stealth Hikki** , and I quickly make my way to the school ground.

Fuck dis shit, I'm out!~

* * *

As it turns out, that wouldn't be the last time I see Yukinoshita Haruno.

Remember the event thing I mentioned? Yea turns out it was some kinda orientation, and lo and behold, she was our guide.

Gee, how convenient. It's as if Fate decided to play a sick joke.

What was weirder though, was how Yukinoshita took one look at the second place guy, grimaced, and then stayed as far away as she could from him. Was it possible that someone gave off even more vibes than I did? So much so they scare away even the great Ice Queen? Impossible. Yukinoshita is stupidly brave and stubborn, or apparently, fearless, when it comes to dealing with creeps. So she says one day as a rebuttal to me asking how she could deal with me for so long.

What then, was her problem? Did they once know each other or something?

Well Fate-sama, I politely decline to playing your game.

* * *

Yuigamaha Yui is her name.

Truth be told? It was nice seeing her again.

I at once dismissed her as your typical _nice girl_ when I first laid eyes on her. But Yukinoshita convinced me otherwise, stating that she has had a lot of time to observe individuals, and that she knows all too well the difference between someone actually being nice and someone faking it.

With a sister like that, how could I _not_ believe her? But still, it was a one time thing, so I didn't really care.

So imagine my surprise when I find out she's in my class the next week.

I didn't even recognise her, with her now pink dyed hair in a Chinese bun style, until Yukinoshita pointed her out to me with an insult to how I failed to remember someone I openly gawked at.

Having introduced herself, she quickly made her way back to the clique she formed, leaving me to my lonesome. Good I guess, gave me time to relax. First day of school is always like that, more introductions than anything, perfect for slacking.

At least, I tried to relax. The whole time I could feel someone's eyes on me. Trust me, I know the feeling of being stared at all too well, having had it happen often the first few days of meeting Yukinoshita. Let's just say, getting used to a spirit was hard, especially if the temptation of returning their jabs was too great.

During break, I walked around school to try and find a quiet spot. I naturally move towards the default location, which I noticed to be the empty for most schools. Sure enough, it's free for the taking.

I sat myself down with a content 'ah', and opened my packet of yakisoba bread and my can of MAX Coffee. I poked Yukinoshita on her shoulder, and handed her the green tea.

"Thank you."

"Mm."

The two of us ate in silence, allowing me to take note of the weird way the winds worked. Intriguing.

"Hikigaya-kun."

"Yea?"

"Surely, you noticed the staring."

"Who was it?"

"Yumiko Miura, who seems to have been friends with Yuigahama-san for a while now. The blonde."

"Ah." I take another bite of the bread, taking in this information. "The beautiful one?"

"Yes."

I nod my head in response. What? There was nothing else to do. The two of us simply stayed silent afterwards, enjoying the atmosphere.

Yup... how lovely.

She finishes the can of tea with a content sigh. "It's interesting, is it not? No matter how hard you try, you simply cannot truly appreciate something until it is gone. To think that I am one of the lucky few who have a second chance to experience what I always took for granted... sometimes it feels like I don't deserve it."

"Heh. I didn't know spirits could go through _the phase_ , Yukinoshita."

She punches my shoulder with an amused smile, before shaking her head and willing herself into being incorporeal again.

Goddamn, I want that power too.

* * *

I can confidently say, that no matter the people around me and how they treat me, I can still be the same old me.

The second year of high school, and I'm surprisingly in a clique. In a way. Yuigahama introduced me to her gang. To keep it short and sweet, I got to know her, Yumiko, Ebina, Tobe, and the Riajuu bastard. There were two others, but... eh, there was already too many to care.

Oh, and there was also the greatest angel himself, Totsuka. But... I prefer not to think about him, lest Yukinoshita stabs me with a glare again.

Anyway, my point is that, so long as you remain faithful to yourself, your character, your views, etcetera, will remain the same, no matter who around you tries to influence you with words such as 'Haah? What kind of view is that!' or 'Hikitani-kun's kinda weird man!' or 'Hachi X Haya is a must gay!' Gugh, I shuddered at the last one.

Case in point: My essay is being read aloud by my modern Japanese literature teacher, the disdain in her voice slowly building up.

"In conclusion: Riajuu, go blow yourselves up."

Hiratsuka-Sensei slaps the paper down on her table with a frustrated sigh, folding her arms under her bountiful assets. Her glare is ice cold, but nothing I can't handle.

"Hikigaya. What was the topic I gave you?"

"It was for him to reflect on his life in high school, Sensei." Yukinoshita responds when I hesitate, and Sensei sighs.

"Indeed. So tell me Hikigaya, what in the world did you write here?"

I try to weasel my way out of this with my convoluted explanations, but like Yukinoshita, Sensei is unable to fully comprehend my genius. This results in me getting a gut punch, my only consolation being a pat on the back from my sister, who has since taken a liking to Hiratsuka-Sensei and now stands on her side. Damn it Yukinoshita, how could you! We are family!

Ah, didn't I say? Sensei can see Yukinoshita, hear Yukinoshita, and very clearly enjoys talking with Yukinoshita, much to my dismay. Something about having a natural affinity for the other side, though I'm sure it's just her childish mind bullshitting to sound cool.

"Do us a favour Hikigaya, rewrite the essay. You can even do it in club hours if no one comes by, and I won't complain. At least you'd be productive for once."

Oh, and she also forced me to set up what they call the Service Club, since Yukinoshita couldn't. Yea, apparently I've been reduced to the position of Yukinoshita's medium. Curse you heart, curse your inability to reject those two!

* * *

"Hikitani-kun, can I talk to you for a second?"

I pause in my steps, and look behind to see the Riajuu bastard, his stupid plastic smile in full view. I glare slightly before sighing.

"Fine. Hurry it up."

Much to my dismay, he begins walking off, gesturing for me to follow. I sort of expected he'd want it to be private, but... I still hate walking for no reason.

I glance at Yukinoshita, who is no happier than I am. With a roll of my eyes, I mutter 'let's get this over with.', and followed.

We made our way into the special building, and to the staircase I've been to once before. The entrance to the roof where I met Kawa... Saki? Right, Kawasaki Saki. Damn you Yukinoshita, forcing me to remember people's names. Memory space I could've used elsewhere.

Hayama, that disgusting plastic blond, was standing near the edge when I pushed opened the squeaky door, hands in his pocket. I walk up to him, stopping when I neared enough to speak without shouting.

"So what is it?"

He remained silent, before letting out a breath. "Hikigaya-kun. Does the name Yukinoshita ring any bells?"

My eyes widened in response, but I push forward. "What about the Demon Superwoman?"

He sighs with such a lack of energy, I wonder if his facade has finally become too heavy to maintain. "Yukinoshita Yukino. Does the name ring any bells?"

"No." I didn't hesitate... shit, was that too fast? Oh, Yukinoshita facepalms beside me. I guess so.

Hayama turns around, and looks me straight in the eye, allowing me to see the pain, frustration... guilt in them.

"Hikigaya-kun. Please. Five minutes. That's all I ask."

I didn't answer, and instead sharpened my glare.

"Yui mentioned it offhandedly once, about how she enjoys her time in the club with 'Hikki and Yukinon'." he uses his hands to quote. "It's not her fault, she was talking to Hiratsuka-Sensei, and I overheard."

Tch. Why is it that the assholes are the ones with functioning brains? Is that why the world is full of villains?

"Your point?"

"I believe you already got it, Hikigaya-kun. _Please_ ," his smile drops, and I almost find myself pitying him. " _ **is she there**_?"

"I am not." Yukinoshita says, and I respond as such.

"Then... could you help me pass a message, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Oblige him." I do so.

"Tell her... tell her I want to change. That I don't want what happened to her to... happen to anyone else."

What, you mean when you betrayed her trust that one time? When you caused her to run crying, thus causing her to get involved in that accident? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? After all this fucking time, _now_ you want to change? When you possibly have a second chance?! Not everyone is so lucky you bastard!

Suddenly, I noticed my lack of breath, and the shock on Hayama's face. Shit... I didn't did I?

"I see... I apologise for taking up your time Hikigaya-kun." Hayama walks past me, muttering one last thing before he opened the door and left.

 _"I told you before. I'm not as nice as you make me out to be."_

I hear the tiniest of sniffles beside me, and I sigh.

"Yukinoshita, want to sit down?" Code for, 'do we need to do what first revealed you to my family again?'

"Y-yes... that would be great-greatly appreciated." she hiccuped.

Even post mortem... you manage to hurt her. Damn Riajuu.

* * *

"Ne, Hikigaya-kun?"

"What." I reply curtly, cringing internally at the disturbingly high levels of sweet in her voice.

"Can you... can I really talk to Yukino-chan again?"

"...It's more about if she _wants_ to let you talk to her again."

"Is she... here now?"

I subtly glance to my right. Yukinoshita doesn't respond.

"If she was, she'd probably be trying to haunt you."

"Ah... does she really think so badly of me?"

"I wouldn't know, but can you blame her? From the little bit I was told and can deduce, I hate you already."

"Isn't that a bit judgemental Hikigaya-kun? I never expected that from the likes of you.~"

"You think I'm biased because I know Yukinoshita. Wrong. I hate _all_ people who put on a mask. Even more so when these people refuse to take it off for just a moment to be genuine with their loved ones."

She glares at me, a shine in her eyes. "Don't pretend like you know me, Hikigaya-kun. Not even Yukino-chan is a hundred percent correct you know?"

"But _you_ are?" I return the glare. "All you had to do was talk with her you know. Just once. But you didn't." I quickly look away, afraid I'll say too much.

"And now that I want to..." she trails off, her voice cracking at the end. Psht. That's all it took? Your mask is made of a flimsy material, Yukinoshita-san. Or perhaps, brittle is the right word. Like a diamond, breaking apart when struck at the right angle despite being so strong.

I feel a hand on mine, and I look at Yukinoshita in surprise.

"Perhaps it is best we get this over with then. Wouldn't you agree, Hikigaya-kun?"

I hear the Yukinoshita to my left gasp in surprise, and I sigh tiredly. "Fine. I'll go enjoy the shade. Get me when it's done.

"Ara, are you truly so forgetful? You can't leave my side you buffoon."

"A bit of distance is okay. We already tested it, remember?"

She glares at me, and because it's so much more real it actually feels like I'm being stabbed. Ouch. How could you do this to your adoptive brother? Fine, my fault for trying to give you two some privacy.

"Fine, fine." I sat myself down.

Christ, two weeks, two confrontations. Damn you you blond bastard, why couldn't you hide it better? You know damn well how observant the Demon Superwoman is, and you drop your guard? Pathetic.

I click my tongue in annoyance.

By the time we got home, Yukinoshita looked drained. Paler than I ever remembered. Saying 'as pale as a ghost' would be doing the shade of her cheeks injustice. Upon shutting the house door, I bring her into reality, and she immediately makes her way to Kamakura, posture no longer perfect.

Komachi began her usual greetings, but immediately shut up upon noticing Yukinoshita. Damn, you know the atmosphere is terrible if even Komachi and her maxed level of social unawareness was able to feel it. She gives me a questioning gaze, but I simply shook my head. I glanced at Yukinoshita, then the clock, and hoped that would do.

She nodded, and silently made her way to her room.

Komachi, your Onii-chan is so proud of you for being able to finally deduce.

I move to sit myself next to Yukinoshita, who has since moved to the couch with the ball of poof we call Kamakura on her lap. I tried to maintain a larger distance than usual, but she seemed to notice, motioning for me to move closer.

"I am not your typical girl Hikigaya-kun." She whispers.

"Yea?" I maintain my distance. "And that was no typical pain. Anyone would be affected by it, even a little. Sometimes, a little distance is what we need to find ourselves again. Source, me."

She chuckles weakly, not even the slightest of upward tugs of her mouth to be found.

"Then... I would appreciate you leaving me alone for a while." I nod in response, though she probably couldn't see it, and moved myself off the couch.

I silently closed the door to my room, leaving it slightly ajar. I'm too tired to even bother showering...

Heh.

Aren't I a filthy piece of trash, indeed.

* * *

I groan as someone repeatedly prodding my shoulder wakes me up.

"Hikigaya-kun. Please wake up."

As I slowly rub the sleep out of my eyes, I catch sight of the clock. Barely anytime past midnight... and Yukinoshita is sitting on the bed in front of me?

...

Is it time to die?

"Banish whatever thoughts came to your mind. I wish to speak to you seriously."

I do as was told, sitting myself upright.

With a sigh, Yukinoshita places her hand on mine, once again becoming corporeal. Her hand lingered.

"Hikigaya-kun. I am worried."

I blinked, trying to remember what could have caused her to... oh. right.

"About anything specifically?"

She looks away, a distant look in her eyes. "You know how people say spirits... move on, right?"

"Yea?"

"Usually... after they resolve their regrets?"

"And?..."

She doesn't respond, and it takes me some time before my tired brain can arrive at what I assumed to be the logical conclusion.

"Is that... what you're worried about?"

She nods ever so slightly.

"Ah, in that case, you need not worry."

Her eyes question me, expecting an answer.

"Well, you know how I have a liking to Buddhism, right?"

"I've seen you read on it before, yes..."

"Well, Buddhists believe that certain spirits choose to stay for their loved ones, and until said loved ones passes, the spirit will not leave. So therefore, since you care so much for us, or so I like to believe, you have nothing to worry about. Isn't that right?"

Yukinoshita stares at me in disbelief, and I sigh in response.

"Look, whatever happens, happens. Even if you move on, you won't have any memory of it. At worst, we have to deal with basically losing you, but we'll move on someday as well, no matter how long it takes." I move myself closer to her. "In the end, we would still have these experiences with us, somehow someway. In the end, we'd have made an impact on each others lives. In that regard, isn't it best to move on while that impact is a positive one?"

...

The deafening silence is cut short by a snort, which slowly evolves into her giggling as if she just witnessed someone go mad.

"Hi-Hikigaya-k-kun, what kind of tw-tw-twisted conclusion is that?"

I smile in response. "Ah, that's just me being me."

I wait for her to compose herself. As she wipes a tear away, I shake my head.

"Oi, go wash up, then go to sleep, I don't know how you work, but I personally need my sleep. If you please."

"Right. Of course." Yukinoshita slowly moves off my bed, navigating the darkness perfectly. Right as she opens the door, she turns around. "Hikigaya-kun, would you mind if I..." she hesitates, looking away.

"If you what?"

"Could I... sleep with you?"

One second. Two second.

"Sure."

"Ara, n-not even the slightest bit embarrassed?"

"Eh? Why would I be embarrassed? You're basically another sister to me, and only creeps would get embarrassed in close proximity with their siblings." That's right, keep that in your head Yukinoshita! I'm no filthy degenerate of a siscon!

"I see..."

As she closes the door, I chuckle to myself.

"Jeez, sisters are so annoying."

And when she returned, and we wished each other a good night, I couldn't help but wonder.

Why do people associate death with emptiness, the raging cold?

In reality, it's an ending. A conclusion.

It's quite warm, is it not?

xXx

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long chapter of sheit, but my friend quite literally sat me down and talked me to death about this concept. It's what I get for accidentally writing it in front of them I suppose.

In any case, I know this is completely out of whack, going out of the realistic and into the fantasy. I won't do it very often, I swear! It's just kinda hard to deny this friend of mine, especially since I myself like this kind of AU.

Anyway, be sure to bash me into the ground about how awful this writing was, and how OOC everything is. While you're at it, instead of wasting your time on my trashy fanfiction, there's other stuff like Seishun Buta Yaro out there, just waiting to be discovered. Yes, that's a real thing I referenced. From light novel to manga to the recent anime. Go read it, it's quite short, but is definitely worth your time.


	3. Surprisingly, They Get Along

A/N: Life has a way of beating you down even when you expect it. Stuff happens all the time, motivation comes and goes, and you fluctuate between different feelings. That being said, I've lost my motivation for a lot of things, unfortunately including fanfiction, so here I am to try and rekindle the fire. The 7th oneshot of this series featuring poorly construed characters in an attempt to give myself inspiration. Have no mercy with the reviews!

xXx

Surprisingly, They Get Along

Y'know, I used to think Yukinoshita Yukino was a cold, heartless bitch. Heck, her reputation in school garnered her the nickname of "Ice Queen", sharp and relentless with her words, impeccable beauty, blah blah blah. But you see, as a dead fish-eyed friend of mine always said, "You can't judge someone if you didn't even put any effort into knowing them." With his words in mind, I can say without a doubt that I was wrong. Yes, her words may be harsh, but that's because she can't bring herself to lie. Her beauty was because of the genes she inherited, coupled with the high expectations that come with being born in a family like hers. In fact, this beauty of hers was, and somewhat still is, a source of sorrow for her. People are jealous creatures after all, that I know all too well.

However, take some time to get to know her, and I guarantee your perspective would change entirely. From her downright adorable obsession with cats (For gods sake, she _meows_ to them!) and Pan-san, to her genuine want to improve the people, perhaps even the world around her. There is much more to Yukino than just those shallow rumours of the Ice Queen front she puts up. Oh yeah, did I mention that the Ice Queen you see is just her stand-I mean, defense mechanism? Yeah, turns out years of being picked on by assholes with inferiority complexes can make you afraid of, and repel anyone who approaches you. Who knew!

Ugh, but I digress. It's not like I'm saying I sympathise with her, seeing as how I handled people who felt inferior to me by turning them into my friends who see themselves as my equal. Nor can I say I pity her, 'cause that's just insulting to the fact she was strong enough to grow up from it. I guess it's more, like, I can see why she'd think to put up such a barrier, since multiple factors including the fact that she was so young made it impossible to do much else. Hey wait, in that sense she and Hikio are actually more similar than I imagined. Heh, no wonder they can act like a old couple despite their relationship still being in its beginning stages. Damn their admittedly endearing old couple bickering. But yeah, I'm happy for 'em, really. After all they've been through, they deserve this happy ending of theirs, and without sacrificing Yui too! Heck, if I didn't know any better I'd say Yukino was a closet bi- I mean, she blushes so wildly just from being embraced by Yui!

Ahem, but uh, where was I again? Oh right, sorry, I let myself get distracted by her cuteness again. Damn it, this is why everyone calls me a freakin' mum friend. It makes me feel old, children! At least say I'm an overprotective big sister! Wait, no, that's Haruno-san's thing. Fine, I'll begrudgingly accept the title of mum friend, and with the power the title bestows upon me, I'll ground you all! Wait wait, get back on topic, get back on topic! Now... I was... right, on the topic of Yukinoshita Yukino and knowing her better. Yes.

See, it all started when we graduated from Sobu, and unanimously (some persuasion needed for a certain dead fish-eyed dingus and his newly acquired girlfriend, provided by none other than the impossible-to-deny puppy eyes from Yui) agreed to go out to karaoke to celebrate. We were having the time of our lives, singing loud and off-key versions of whatever was being blasted by the speakers. Even the self-proclaimed King of Loners had this really subtle upturn of his lips, which meant that he was at the very least _amused_ by Sensei's dramatic and emotional reenactment of some old love song.

But Yukino? She was tense as heck. Girl was sinking further and further into her seat, and it took Hikio excusing himself and her from the room for me to realise that not all was peachy. Of course I was worried then, even if the old me didn't quite like her. She had helped Yui and I quite a bit with our studies, and during those sessions I grew to sort of tolerate her as I watched her put in so much effort to try and explain things to us. Keyword being "try". Turns out it's hard to understand someone who explains everything to the point where a textbook would be more helpful! Hikio actually has her beat in that regard, even if all he knows is language and humanities.

Yui wanted to go after them, but she must've still been recovering from Hikio's rejection, so I volunteered to go in her steed. It didn't take me long to find them, sitting on a couch outside. Yukino's head hung low whilst Hikio slowly patted her back with one hand, the other lightly grasping hers. Considering the situation, I was understandably hesitant when I moved to check up on them. Hikio actually noticed me approach despite how cautious I was, glaring slightly as if he was afraid I'd hurt the Ice Queen in her moment of weakness. The shock on his face when I sat beside her and started stroking her hair would've been funny were it not for the context.

Of course she looked up at the presence of a third hand, and I felt myself drawn to those eyes of hers. Once cold and impenetrable, her steely gaze had turned teary, and staring into them revealed an ocean of emotions that to this day I cannot fully comprehend. In that moment, I felt like the biggest asshole to ever exist for once being jealous of her.

After she cried herself to sleep, Hikio explained to me that she had become insecure lately, worried that whatever relationships she chose to built would break at any moment. The karaoke only brought out the worst of those insecurities, and the feeling that she didn't deserve to be there hit her hard. Apparently she never considered us as her acquaintances, much less friends, and she was only invited because of her relatiinship with Yui. Then this led to her contemplating if she even deserved to call Yui her friend, and then if Hikio even wanted her as a girlfriend, and eventually leading to this breakdown.

I could tell that it hurt Hikio a lot as his voice trembled with every syllable. I think it actually hit him harder than it would have anyone else, since he himself went through these sorts of thoughts in his second year. courtesy of his path to "something genuine" which inflicted so much pain, yet ended in happiness. It was then that I spotted a bit of bright pink around the corner. I considered calling out to Yui, and I would've, were it not for the fact she disappeared soon after. I think she realised the hurt her friend was going through because of everything; the confession, the rejection, all of it. I figured Yui knew what she needed- maybe even wanted- to do, so I left it at that.

At the same time, I realised I had been wrong in my judgement of Yukino, and it was then that I vowed to make her feel like a friend of ours. I didn't like seeing people in pain after all, and it was the least I could do at the time. I told as much to Hikio, and he thanked me with a smile so small and crooked that I briefly wondered what happened to make it like that. Then I realised that it didn't matter, that what mattered was how he was able to still smile with such genuity regardless.

 _"You're... more than just the Fire Queen I thought you to be Miura. Thanks for being so honest."_ was what he said. I didn't really agree with him then, having lied to myself quite a bit already, but I didn't tell him as much. See? Not so honest after all. Well, at least I'm working on that now.

So after that, I started to keep in touch with Yukino, albeit through Yui at first. When possible, I'd join them when they hung out, even going for a girls only trip with Ebina and Saki, the five of us shopping and having meals together. I slowly eased her into our dynamic, starting with asking for her opinions on stuff like dresses, slowly building up to the point where I insisted she call us by our given names just like we do with each other. During this, there were quite a few highlights. Finding out that she's an absolute sass machine when she isn't trying to maintain that prim and proper attitude of hers made for quite a day, and Ebina's nose almost bled at the sight of Yukino meowing to kittens in a pet shop's window.

 _"This is almost as cute as HayaHachi! I can't handle it!"_ was how she worded it, and I was inclined to agree. Well, the part about it being cute. I don't particularly agree with that ship of hers, but hey, she knows it's not for everyone, so what the heck.

I think we really started to get through to her after a while, and she seemed more comfortable hanging around us, and Yui told me all about how the two of them had made up and were closer than ever. Seriously, you know Hikio calls you Yurigahama, right? Chill on the lesbo Yui, and stop crushing the poor girl with your breasts! Do you not know the size and lethality of those gems you inherited from your mum? Heh, but again in the words of a certain dead fish-eyed douche, "Life is never kind. When it is, expect it to pull the carpet out from under you."

Yukino was going overseas to further her studies.

It was a choice of hers she made a long time ago, and no matter what she didn't want to back down. It was... well, it hurt a bit actually. In the time we spent together, I learnt a lot about her, even some of the crap she's been through, so it wasn't a good feeling i felt when she announced she had to go. Surprisingly, Hikio looked the least devastated of all of us. He learnt of it beforehand when their relationship began, and it was he who assured her they'd still keep in touch. Everyone else there promised the same. We wouldn't let growing up be what separated us, for we had been through a lot together, and our bond was not so fragile. I think that was the first time I ever saw the great Ice Queen truly melt into tears, but at least it was out of happiness. Three days later, she departed for America, and the rest of us pursued our lives here in Japan.

It's been years since then, and a lot has changed. What hasn't changed is the fact that All of us, the members of the Service Club, my group of friends, even Iroha and Sensei, we're still friends with each other, often going out together for impromptu meals. Even Hikio makes an appearance once in a while, albeit with some push required from his sister and Yui. Asshole still considered lazing about on weekends as a good way to spend time despite having us friends, and I have a good feeling that part of him won't budge even for Yukino.

Speaking of, she's supposed to be coming back today, so here I am waiting for her at the airport with Hikio and Yui. The others were busy prepping for the barbecue we had planned, so they didn't come along. Hikio looked nervous as hell as his eyes roamed the place, his hands fidgeting the whole time we've been here. Yui on the other hand looked like she was planning on crushing the Ice Queen the moment she spotted her, with that murderous-I mean, excited glimmer in her eyes. Me? I'm just glad to welcome my partner in sass back. For as versatile as Hikio was, he just couldn't match his girlfriend, something he himself has admitted many times.

Luckily for us, it was very easy to spot her from afar with how much she stands out from the crowd. I swear, the smile that came to her face when we called out to her was the most precious thing I've ever seen, and it didn't disappear even when Yui crashed into her just like I predicted. In fact, it only seemed to grow as they released their embrace so Hikio could come and greet his dearly missed girlfriend. Jeez guys, you're gonna make me cry with how wholesome you're being.

Finally, it was my turn to greet her.

"Took you long enough. Finally had enough of the west?"

That familiar smug smirk came back instantly. "On the contrary, I quite enjoyed my time there, and have come to convert you all."

"Haah? Are you saying you're betraying the country?"

"What can I say? A country without Hikigerms is quite remarkable."

"Oi." the subject of our mocking cried out, but we ignored him in favour of chuckling.

"Well, in fairness, the risk of catching Hikigerms is worth it to be with my friends, so perhaps America isn't so great after all."

"Glad ya think so, Yukino. Now c'mon, I'm starving, and I know for a fact Yui's mum made cookies for the barbecue."

"Is that all you came here to do? Tell me about Yuigahama-san's cookies?"

"Course not, I came here as a friend girl! We've got lots to catch up on, right Yui?"

"Un, un!" she nodded with her fists pumped childishly, and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous she looked. Never stop being so young, Yui.

With that, we began to make our way back, and I watched as Hikio slipped his hand into Yukino's, and Yui latched herself to her free arm. Then to my surprise, she managed to reach out and drag me in too, almost making all of us lose our balance. We had a good laugh about it. This was nice, this happiness, and in a way it was what I always wanted. It was what I tried to achieve with my group then, and failed, resulting in Ooka and Yamato leaving. It was for the best I guess, the two of them never wanted anything more, and it would've stayed like that if I didn't try anything.

"Ne, Yumiko, whatcha thinking about?"

"Huh?"

"You look like Hikki when he's monologuing! Something the matter?"

"Nah. Just thinking about how happy I am now."

"Oh yeah, how's life with Hayama going?"

"Fine, Hikio. I told you already, he's changed since high school."

"Somehow I doubt that, but hey, I ain't the one who chose to live with the guy. Speaking of, when's the marriage?"

"Dunno. When are you and Yukino getting married?"

"Listen woman, the bet about who gets married first was made when we were drunk. It's not valid."

"Is too."

"What's this about a bet for who gets married first? Are you in that much of a rush to marry me, Hachiman? You do know that I won't allow you the life of a househusband, right?"

"O-Oi, I dropped that dream of mine when we graduated okay? Don't bring it back up now!"

"Embarrassed, Hachiman?"

"Yes, now shut it woman."

Yeah... I'm happy with how things are. In the end, I got what I wanted. I was able to grow from yesterday, I was brave enough to move on. For that, I will be eternally thankful.


	4. Hayama Hayato Suggests a Date

A/N: I've decided to reread the light novel from the beginning, as well as take a look at the manga and some analysis based on a friend's recommendation. In doing so, I was compelled to rewatch the anime and reread some fanfiction. I had come to a realisation that a lot of stories make Hayama out to be what is basically a corny villain in some cartoon. My brain, in its typical distracted and ranting form, wrote the following in retaliation. Fair warning, it's rather... messy. I'd like to revisit this idea some day more coherently. Maybe.

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xXx

Hayama Hayato Suggests a Date

Maybe he finds it ironically funny, asking that we meet up here. Or maybe, we aren't on neutral terms like I first thought, and by inviting me to a place that harbours bad memories, he is trying to spite me. Well jokes on him, neither of those plans worked. I find this neither funny, nor upsetting. If anything I find it dull. I mean, of all the places he could pick, it had to be the cafe where we had that double date and... Well, it doesn't matter what his intentions are. Once I have my free food and drinks, I'm out of here.

"Yo, Hikitani-kun."

This bastard. You know we both know you know my real name! And why did you steal my greeting, huh?

"Get it over with, would you?"

Chuckling at my displeasure, Hayama sat opposite me and calls for the waitress. After placing orders for his own dessert and coffee, he hands me some yen to make up for the amount I spent before his arrival. This way, it looked like we coincidentally bumped into each other, rather than a scenario conjured up in some fujoshi's headspace.

Screw you Hayama, I know you told Ebina about our last meeting on purpose! Have you any idea how much she bothered me the next day in school? Of course you do, you watched it all in class with a sadistic grin, you ass. I swear there will be payback.

"Sheesh, you look like you want to kill me Hikigaya. I thought those days were behind us."

"I could say the same. The part about it being behind us I mean, not the killer look part. You glare like a woman."

"Ahaha, considering the women in your life, I'll take that as a compliment."

Well, he wasn't wrong. Fine, you glare like a Tobe.

"Really though, why'd you ask to meet me? Why _here_ of all places?"

"No real reason. I just like what they serve more than other chains I guess. As for why you're here, I wanted to talk about Yukino-chan."

Oh great. Shoot me now.

After all the drama we went through, her name is practically a trigger for me now. I still remember the amount of times I died to Yukimum's arctic glare that surpassed even her younger daughter's, I remember how badly Yukidad's words confused me, and I clearly remember the amount of times the demon superwoman that was-is- Haruno, threw me off with her genuineness.

Solving Yukinoshita's request is an ordeal I'll likely never forget. The underlying issues I had to tackle in order to 'save' her, it stuck everyone involved in a blender of emotional turmoil, and the resulting concoction was a barely palatable conclusion where she had to reconcile with her family herself, with occasional support from me and Yuigahama.

Last I heard, they were in the midst of trying to understand each other. She didn't divulge more to us, citing that she had yet to get a firm grasp on the situation, though she assured us that they were trying. From what I can tell, they're trying to rectify their past miscommunications, misunderstandings, and overall lack of honest care.

Even so, I could tell that with everything going on, she was still putting effort into bettering her relationships with those around her, or in his case, repairing. So what could've compelled him to speak with me if not their damaged friendship?

"With everything going on, I wanted to ask how you and her have been."

"Excuse me?"

His smile remained, albeit it wasn't the thousand-watt smile that could charm the skirts of most girls in Soubu. It was a smile I had come to see more of in the past few months. It was, regrettably, his genuine smile. As much as I hate him and what he stands for, I couldn't deny that, though I did find it annoying he had found it before me.

"Bear with me for a bit. The relationships I've made since my first year here, I cherish them all. I do all I can to preserve them. Do you know why?"

"What does this have to do with her?"

"C'mon, indulge me for a bit."

Rolling my eyes, I took a sip of my coffee. Extra cream, extra sugar; it was lovely, but it still couldn't beat MAX Coffee in my opinion. That it costs almost thrice the price of a can is heresy! Good thing Hayama paid for it though. That's three cans of MAX I saved today. But at least the cake is good, I guess. Anyway, as to his question...

"Fear."

"Elaborate."

Is he pulling my leg?

"You're afraid of what would happen if you do anything that risks the stability of these fragile bonds you've created. You think that the possibility of a fallout, no matter how small, is not worth it. You'd prefer to swim in what's most comfortable, because you're afraid that a change in atmosphere would hurt. What does this have to do with anything?"

"Interesting way of looking at it, Hikigaya. It's almost as if you know what it's like to swim in those waters yourself."

I almost did a spittake. Did this guy just try to relate me to him?

"C'mon Hikigaya. Despite telling everyone else to do so, you have yet to start being honest with yourself. Some part of you must know that, right?"

"What are you implying..."

He held up his hands with a chuckle. "Promise you won't punch me for what I'm about to say next."

"Depends on what you say."

"Good enough I guess."

With a deep breath, Hayama closes his eyes as if to collect his thoughts.

"You _cherish_ the Service Club, don't you? Enough, perhaps, to lie?"

Ah. That's why he asked me not to punch him. Well, no worries Hayama, I'm actually surprisingly calm right now. Perhaps this is what they call the calm before the storm?

"I know that look, Hikigaya. You were on the receiving end of mine several times, after all." Hayama sighs, sticking one hand into his pocket as the other reached for his nape. "You know, it makes your eyes look less dead than usual. Passion looks good on you, Hikigaya."

Yup, I definitely feel the storm coming, though I definitely don't have the magic (proverbial balls) to make use of it.

"I just wanted to tell you Hikigaya, I think it's about time you started being honest. To yourself. To them. To _her._ You always manage to do what I couldn't, so... it's only a matter of time."

I don't understand. What was he trying to do here?

"It's just a suggestion. Consider it."

Standing up, he makes his way to the counter to pay his bill. Then, and only then, did I notice he didn't even take a bite of his dessert.

Didn't he say he likes the stuff this place serves?...

* * *

I can tell it's been on his mind since yesterday. The way his eyebrows furrowed, the way he frowned even more, the way his eyes are fixated on one point, rather than watching the class. It upsets me, to think that I keep losing to him. At least I'm aware of what I do, but Hikigaya? He's a hypocrite, and even though I'm sure part of him knows it, the fact he doesn't acknowledge it irks me. In that way, I suppose he is inferior to me.

However, I know he doesn't deserve this hatred. Circumstances made him who he is today, just like they made me who I am. That's not to say I excuse him of course, I don't even excuse myself. Yet, I can't help but feel like he doesn't deserve the eventual hurt this would cause him. Not only him, but those around him. Yui and Yukino-chan, Iroha-chan... others. It's about time someone did something about it.

Haruno had tried, but because of his past experiences with her, her genuine words couldn't get through to him. Instead, the responsibility lies on me, his self-proclaimed antithesis. If Hikigaya is a hypocrite, then I am self-awareness.

Hikigaya wanted something genuine, but he did everything he could to maintain the status-quo. Why? Because like me, he was afraid. What was he afraid of? He was afraid of hurting others, he always was. He doesn't want to hurt anyone but himself, and so he does what he believes allows him to achieve that. Yet, for all his smarts, he doesn't realise how much it would hurt them in the long run.

Yes, he knew about their feelings. Even if he rejected his subconscious, it still knew how they felt about him. And yet, he couldn't find it in himself to accept those feelings.

Like me.

However, as history has shown, Hikigaya had a knack of doing the things I myself could not. It was only a matter of time until he accepted them. But the longer he delayed, the more it would hurt. As much as I cherished the status-quo, even I knew that the less painful choice was to be real. Yet I couldn't.

But _he_ could.

"Hikki! Let's go to club!"

Passion sure looked good on him. So did resolve.

 _Sorry Hikigaya, but like I said, I'm not as nice a person as you think I am._

Whatever was the result, I just hoped at the end of it all, we could at the very least remain on amiable terms. Who knows, maybe he'd understand me someday. Maybe we could even be friends.

I sighed. Hopefully Hikigaya considered his own feelings properly. After all, his and her feelings are mutual. She'd never forgive me for hurting her twice.


	5. Their Isekai Story Is Wrong, As Expected

A/N: Full disclosure here, I spent too much time rereading Sage and With Death's Danmachi crossovers and ended up with fantasy Oregairu stuck in my head. It also doesn't help that the gacha game I play collabed with Shield Hero, prompting me to watch the anime and read the manga so I could understand what some idiots ask in the discord's advice channels. (Seriously, why the hell would you ask Shield Hero series questions in a gacha game discord? Go join the Shield Hero discord, Baka!)

Thus, here we have the Fantasy world oneshot that is not at all a crossover with any actual isekai story. No really, I don't know squat about any of them except Shield Hero. Any similarities is purely coincidental.

Uhm... that's it really. Back to writing actual stories while I've yet to be swarmed with projects.

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xXx

Their Isekai Story Is Wrong, As Expected

"I still think you'd be better off with some kind of heavy weaponry."

Hikigaya swivelled his head back to respond, but before he could say a word, he spotted the minotaur raising its axe from the corner of his eye. With naught more than a second to react before it came crashing down, he jumped. The force of the impact sent him flying straight into the arms of his partner with a grunt. His body went numb as adrenaline rushed through his system, but it did little to lessen the pain that came immediately after. His mind quickly registered the fact his bones had been shattered, and that Hayama's healing magic was racing to repair the damage. He grimaced at the realisation, and hoped that the girls at home would at least be more merciful than the damned minotaur Boss.

"We should finish this quick Hikigaya. I can't tank another hit like that." He scoffed as he pushed himself out of the bridal carry the blond held him in, mentally thanking whatever was this world's equivalent of God that there wasn't a bespectacled fujoshi nearby to witness the comprimising position he was in.

Were it not for the shield the blond crusader was generating, he would've lost all of his health pool from that indirect attack alone. Instead, he only lost _most_ of it. Not that credit should go to the minotaur- a hit like that would've stunned any other levelled adventurer at most. The sole reason he should've died right there and then was the fact he was a glass canon. For the upteenth time since he arrived in this strange fantasy world, he cursed whichever light novel author figured since he hits harder, it would only be fair if he got hit _even_ _harder_. Only masochistic readers would want to relate to him! Then again, maybe that was just a way to make sure he couldn't match the riajuu protagonist in popularity. It made sense in his pessimistic mind.

"Damn it." he really wanted to avoid resorting to his magic, but it was obvious he had no choice as the minotaur began huffing visible clouds of hot air, repeatedly scraping the ground beneath with its right hoof.

Releasing a telltale warcry, the giant brute charged right at the them with remarkable speed. Leaping into the air, the black-haired assassin unsheathed his shortsword with fluid movements and empowered it with a whispered chant. By the time the minotaur looked up and met his grey eyes with its own bloody red, it was too late- the blade had been driven through its cranium. With a momentary stumble, the monster drops on its knees, giving him enough time to jump off before the corpse collapsed.

"I told you before, heavy weaponry would only slow me down. If I tried to use it to parry, the force from countering would break my arms." Hikigaya reiterated his points as he caught the mana potion Hayama threw him. He popped the jar open and downed the viscous purple liquid gratefully. "And that's assuming my opponent isn't stronger than your average knight."

"Fair enough. Then how about enchanted armour? I think we have enough saved up to purchase some. What do you say, Hikigaya?"

"You're the ones on the frontlines. Save it for your exposed selves."

"I'm just saying, it's probably better than the alternative of her nagging the both of us."

For a moment, he actually considered the idea. "I'd rather be nagged to death than waste precious money on something I might not even use. Who needs protection against hits when they can just avoid being hit?" In the end though, logic won out over his wish to not be nagged at.

"You just barely dodged-"

"Shut up, you distracted me." He didn't need to look behind him to know Hayama was rolling his eyes.

"Despite all that's changed, some things still stay the same."

"If you call me a tsundere, what will change in the next five seconds is my sword will be in your brain."

"Tsundere." Hayama responded with zero remorse, and he's pretty sure the ass is smirking too.

"Friendly reminder that the only reason I don't make good on my threats is because Miura would kill me painfully. Not worth the painless death I'd give you."

The annoying blond chuckled. "Say, what should we buy for lunch? I'm pretty sure Yumiko's sick of the usual minotaur steak and mashed potatoes."

"I don't blame her. That shit is unbearable after the third plate."

"Hmm. Do you think Yukino-chan has a grasp on how to cook in this world yet?"

"Knowing her? She probably has since her second try, but doesn't consider it good enough to actually consider cooking for us."

"Ahh, then I'll leave convincing her in your capable hands."

"Piss off."

"Hey, don't get hostile with me when _you're_ the one she confessed to."

"I said _piss off._ " he walked faster in hopes that the blond wouldn't see his blush. He most certainly did not need to be reminded of that admittedly embarrassing confession. "We'll order something else for today. I'll beg her highness to cook for us some other time. Now, start thinking of how you'll placate them. Both our trump cards were used, so I doubt they'll let us off easy."

As they made their way back to the safe zone, his mind wandered back to the memories of their life before and after they arrived in the fantasy world. Despite their history of animosity, here they were bantering like they were childhood friends. He would never admit it aloud, but with how much their group had been through since being isekai'd, they might as well have been.

 _'Doesn't change the fact he's a damn riajuu though.'_

As if to prove his point, the moment Hayama pushed open the guild doors, all attention was on him. In the blink of an eye, townsfolk and young adventurers rushed forward to welcome their darling hero, while the older veterans cheered his name from their seats, drinks raised in greeting. Pointedly ignored by the masses, Hikigaya shot a grateful look to his unfortunate party member before slipping past the crowd and towards the kitchen in the back.

His senses were immediately assaulted by an array of mouth-watering aromas, because of course otherwordly monster meat and vegetables would smell good. Of course, he kept his skepticism to himself, lest Grandis-san misunderstood and took it upon her burly self to beat him up.

"Oh, here comes the Vigilant Shadow now! I knew it wouldn't be long once Prince Charming showed up."

Speaking of the she-devil, the booming voice of Grandis-san called him over. Leave it to her to notice his presence before anyone else. Such was the frightening awareness of someone who had to put up with one too many orphans sneaking into her kitchen to steal even a measly loaf of bread.

"Grandis-san." He greeted with a slight bow, because of course a fantasy light novel would follow Japanese culture despite not being set in Japan. He would never understand that strange custom. Then again, western fantasies had characters shake hands, so perhaps its just a universal thing to have familiar cultures reflected even in fictional realities. He cocked an eyebrow as his mind caught up and discerned what was wrong. "What's with the change in nicknames?"

"Hah, of course you wouldn't know about it! The town's been calling you that since your escapades last night, kid!"

"Keep it down before you alert the rest of the idiots out there. Also, what are you on about?"

A newspaper bearing the markings of the guild landed at his feet. From the corner of his vision, he caught the shy wave of the apprentice cook who threw it to him. He returned the greeting with a curt nod. He picked up the papers and unrolled them, revealing an article from this morning.

 _'"The Dark Blight, a Misunderstood Enforcer of Justice?"_

 _The criminal, whom has since been revealed to be Griffon Hardshaw, had been terrorising the farms on the town's outskirts. In his confession, Hardshaw stated that it was part of his plans to uproot the local farmers so that his company could use the land to construct blah blah blah, unnecessary details, longwinded news... ah, here._

 _Eye witness reports claim that the man was apprehended by the infamous Dark Blight. After quickly knocking Hardshaw unconscious, the Dark Blight proceeded to tie him up, seemingly leaving him for the Guild authorities to arrest in the morning. The Dark Blight then disappeared, blackening the ground he stood upon. This characteristic signature proves that this is the genuine Blight, and not another imposter._

 _Does this mean then, that the Dark Blight is not a criminal as we had originally assumed, but rather an enforcer of justice keeping vigilant in the shadows? Or perhaps the man behind the mask had a change of heart?'_

The cynical adventurer couldn't stop himself from sneering as he tossed the papers straight into the chimney fire. "If they wanted to mystify me, they could've at least called me the Dark Knight."

"Hohoh, you think yourself chivalrous, do you?"

"Not at all Grandis-san." ' _It would've at least been ironically funny.'_ he internally joked. There was no Batman in this world after all, so they could never understand his references. "Anyway, four orders of Adventurer Meals. Anything but minotaur steak and mash."

" _Oh?_ " the chef's menacing tone triggered warning flags in Hikigaya's mind. "Could it be that you and your merry band of misfits no longer like my cooking?"

"N-No! You misunderstand!" waving his hands in an effort to placate the angry chef, he quickly came up with an excuse which could not be dismissed. "We wanted to try the rest of your fabulous cooking, Grandis-san! After all, if you could make minotaur meat and potatoes turn out so heavenly, God knows what you could do with other ingredients!"

The 'flatter before you barter' method seemed to work, as the older woman laughed in response. "Heheh, alright Hikigaya! As thanks for your little foursome's loyal patronage and compliments, I'll not only cook up the best I've got, but I'll give you a discount too!" the burly woman slapped him on the back with enough force to convince him he would die in that instant before returning to her station. Breathing a sigh of relif, Hikigaya exited the kitchen, but not before nodding again in farewell towards the elven apprentice.

' _Hopefully she wouldn't have a part in cooking our lunches...'_

Lyrea Fae, bless her heart, was nowhere near as good a cook as she was a friend, that much was proven the last time he had the unfortunate plessure of tasting her cooking. Sure there was a chance that she might've improved since then, but he did not want to take any chances with food that looked amazing yet tasted like poison.

As he reached the usual table he waited at, he was surprised to find Hayama already seated, his head tucked between crossed arms.

"Let me guess... they made you drink." he sat across the blond, elbow on the table as he rested his cheek on the palm of his hand.

A muffled groan escaped the mess of blond hair. Hayama lifted his head with great effort, his strained smile threatened to drop. "How do you do it, Hikigaya? How can you stand drinking so much?"

"Duh. I make sure to eat something before drinking."

Both their guts rumbled at the mere implication of food.

"Even then... it's like you had years to build a tolerance."

"Huh. I thought your parents would want to make sure you could hold your liquor, what with being a rich boy and all."

"You'd think that, but they wouldn't even let me try a sip."

"Too bad then. You'll just have to learn."

What Hikigaya didn't tell Hayama was the fact he recently discovered a correlation between how much mana an adventurer had leftover, and the amount of alcohol they could ingest without getting drunk. If he did, then Hayama would never use his shielding magic again, just so he could avoid this exact miserable state. That, or he would keep the mana potions to himself.

Probably.

"For what it's worth, I think you'll get used to it sooner rather than later, _Hero._ "

" _Fuck you._ " Hayama slumped back on the table, once again tucking his head between his arms.

"Hey, don't get hostile with me when _you're_ the one who fits the main protagonist archetype."

Another muffled groan tells him that he won this exchange. Indeed, Hayama was the charismatic and handsome individual with a powerful class, and an even more powerful ability. The one who could protect the whole town's population with a simple chant, who could win over the hearts of anyone with a single sentence, who could inspire all with a rousing speech. He was just the assassin, the evil more weapon than man whom the hero saved and befriended.

In their corner of relative silence, the two opposites sat waiting for their lunches. One the revered saviour of the town, and the other known simply as the shadow that follows. Just the way he liked it. After all, he was just the weapon, the glass canon, the hero's last resort! Nobody needed to know that in reality... He was the main protagonist with the overpowered ability, and their prince was just his shield.

"Do me a favour Hayama, and don't ever stop being their hero."

"I hate you..."


End file.
